It is the people who can't make decisions that I am most worried about. Mostly because I consider myself to be (at least to some extent) one of them. It can be so difficult, not knowing if you even want to go on that next date, not knowing if you're really interested in the person or just doing it for one of the reasons above, and worrying if you like someone enough to put in the effort required to make things happen. I've suffered all of these things, and more. And so it is with these poor folks (and myself, selfishly enough) in mind that I have devised a few fool-proof indicators of interest.
1. The Facebook Stalking Test, a.k.a. How Shallow Are You? just kidding ... not.
Let's face it: Facebook Stalking (hereafter known as "FaceStalking") has become a definite part of the dating experience. It has, in some ways, revolutionized the dating game--it has delivered sight to many blind daters, and lets you get a feel of people before you can even experience them for yourself. Whether this is good or bad is pretty irrelevant at this point. The fact is that there's a lot you can tell about yourself from looking at the Subject's photos.
Most people have a TON of photos, which makes things better and worse at the same time. On the one hand, you get to see a lot about what the Subject likes to do, what kind of people they hang out with, whether or not they're pimp-daddies (or pimp-mamas ... but that's just uncomfortable).
On the other hand, there's a lot of potential for awkward photos to show up. You know exactly the ones I'm talking about. The ones where the Subject made a weird face or wasn't ready for the camera. The ones where the Subject wore a weird outfit as a joke but you don't really understand the context, and so you're just uncomfortable. The ones where some cruel former classmate found a box of photographs from high school and decided to scan them all in and tag every person. We've all seen them. What's worse, we've all got them. And why? Because if you untag yourself in every awkward photo, people know you're self-conscious or vain or something. Anyways, the point is: What is your reaction to awkward photos of the Subject?
If awkward photos make you uncomfortable and slightly repulsed, pack your suitcase and move on. If there's anything about their appearance in the photos (and yes, that's in the plural because generally it's better to observe more than one awkward photo for scientific accuracy) that turns that little unattractiveness screw in your stomach and makes you regret (even a little bit) that you ever were attracted to the wretch on the screen, really--you don't truly like the person, and it's okay to let go.
HOWEVER, if you find the awkward photos endearing, adorable, funny, cute, precious, silly, and maybe even a little bit strangely attractive ... there's a very good chance that you actually do like this person! Congratulations! Now, that's not to say that they won't do something repugnant in the future. Things could fall apart at any moment. They could do something utterly unattractive and you could land on your tush, crush-less without the slightest prior indication. It happens. But for now, raise your glass: This could be love!
2. The Kiss Q, or, How Hormonally-Charged Is This Relationship?
Some time ago, I was riding in the car up to Sandy with my aunt. I was chronicling my recent dating history to her, and telling her about this guy I'd gone on a number of dates with. He was cool, nice, gentlemanly, talented, smart, and a whole host of other great things ... but there was a problem. I couldn't tell whether or not I actually wanted to keep going out with him. Although there was a definite indication that the answer was 'no' (because I thought that, more or less, anything other than 'yes' was 'no', in the words of the darling John Mayer), I still couldn't be sure because there just wasn't any concrete evidence that I didn't, or really any reason why I shouldn't have liked him and wanted to continue dating him. So my aunt asked me a simple question: "Do you want him to kiss your face?" (And, just to clarify, by "face" she meant lips. She just talks like that.)
For me, the answer was, "No. HECK no, I do not want him to kiss my face. That does not appeal to me at all!" And lo, and behold, when we went our separate ways, I was anything but disappointed. In fact, I was happy, relieved, and glad to see him making progress to his eventual EC ... who certainly wasn't me.
So ask yourself, "Do I want [the Subject] to kiss my face?" If the answer is no, step away from the merch. If the answer is yes ... get on your pony and get some.
3. "Je pense, donc je l'aime"
I may be totally ripping off Descartes' statement "I think, therefore I am" right now, but I think this is a totally valid test. For those who do not speak the sophisticated tongue, the name of this indicator is, "I think, therefore I like him/her." This is pretty self-explanatory. When you like someone, it's kind of hard to think of anything else. That's just the way it is.
It's also related to number four ...
4. The Speech Test
No, no, you don't have to give a speech. But it stands to reason that you talk about what you think about. Is the Subject coming up in conversation a lot? Are you forcing yourself to pip out of conversations because you're afraid you're annoying people because you just can't stop saying the Subject's name and bringing them into the conversation? Odds are, if the answer is yes, you've got a case of the likeys.
Odds are also that your roomies and/or close friends are gonna pick up on it too because this is like having a flashing red heart-shaped love light above your head. (Note: Tends to happen a lot when you're trying to pretend like you don't like someone. They WILL come up in conversation, and you WILL have to ask a question about it because, unfortunately, you care about what they're doing too much to let it slip by unnoticed.)
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And now, because Natalie wants to go to bed, I'm going to let her. Poor thing looks tired and she has to get up early. Aw. What a cutie. She's like cuddling herself right now. But not in an awkward way ... Hah. GOODNIGHT :)
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