"What A Frickin' Life I Have"

--Michael Buble

I got called out a couple of days ago for not blogging recently. It's a show of just how busy I've been that it's taken me this long to get around to fixing that problem. Yes, it's been almost a month since I last blogged, and frankly ... there's not too much to be said that I haven't texted or Skyped or Facebooked to you all, and the majority of that isn't something that I think belongs on the internet anyways (wink, wink) so am I off the hook? Or at least forgiven? :)

Let me tell you what my weeks look like these days.

• Sunday: Leave for church at 9:10, church 10-1, hang out until 1:30-2ish, home by 3, ... w/e.
• Monday: Wake up at 7, get to work between 8 and 8:30, lunch 12-1 either by the statue of Lewis, Clark, & Co. or in the park by the governor's mansion, leave work by 5:15, bed by 11:30 (attempted, usually)
• Tuesday: Same as Monday, but leave for institute at 6:10, institute 7-8:30, hang out sometimes until 9:30, home by about 10:15.
• Wednesday: Same as Monday.
• Thursday: Same as Monday.
• Friday: Same as Monday.
• Saturday: Sleep in as late as possible, do stuff, bed by midnight.

Now, I suppose it's fair to point out that (1) I'm only in my third week that looks like this, and (2) there's usually some kind of date/hanging out activity that happens on Friday or Saturday, so it's not quite so dry and stale as it may seem.

But it's still pretty dry and stale. I'm making $13 an hour instead of $25 an hour like I was originally told, but I guess the fact that I'm only a junior in college with no kind of similar experience makes me less valuable to the team anyhow. I pre-populate, edit, and track documents, among other things, which today included being the scribe for a 3-hour long meeting. Now, I don't want you to think I'm complaining, because I'm really not. Let me explain.

This summer is teaching me a lot about the phrase "I will ... open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."

I'm not going to be explicit in the nature of said blessings, because, like I said earlier, not everything in my life right now is something I want to post on the internet. But here's what's up: I'm being blessing beyond my capacity to receive. Or, rather, I'm being blessed with things that are far above my maturity, skill, and personal merit, and my capacity is so small at times that there is simply not room for me to juggle one blessing, let alone two or three or twelve. They become difficult to handle; they are (for lack of better words) cumbersome and unwieldy in my small and graceless hands. I simply don't know what to do, and I feel lost and like a failure, and it's a challenge. I should be dropping these things left and right; I should be curled up in my bed, amazed that I was able to even touch these kinds of blessings.

But somehow, I'm hanging on to them. Or maybe they're hanging on to me ... I really don't know. Maybe there's some kind of divine glue or tape or thread that is keeping me attached to these things, even when everything about me and them is like magnets being pushed together with the same poles facing each other. The forces of nature should be pushing these things away from me, but they aren't.

It gets a little more interesting too ... I think that, rather than me clinging for dear life and watching my fingers slip and feeling a strain, I'm feeling better equipped to handle these blessings. It's almost like I'm being blessed by my blessings at the same time that I'm being tried by my blessings ... because trials are blessings ... and it's like this outrageous cycle of blessing and trying and trying and blessing and on and on, over and over again.

The craziest part to me is that I wasn't going to come to Missouri this summer. I was going to go to France, and after I decided I wasn't going to France, I was going to stay in Provo ... because really, what could there ever be for me to do in Missouri? Work at Old Navy and have no friends? I also was about 95% sure that my scholarship was in the tank because of my French 321 class, and I figured I could make better money by working a couple of jobs here in Missouri (one of them being Old Navy) and I'd be able to make up at least a little bit for losing it. Furthermore, I had only been casually considering coming home for a couple of weeks when one afternoon I found myself sitting on the couch doing homework and then suddenly I had the most bizarre, all-consuming bout of homesickness. We're talking instantaneous crying jag, and after that I knew I couldn't stay in Provo for the spring. I couldn't do it, not for anything. I felt like I was running into my parents' bedroom in the middle of the night like I did when I was little and I had a bad dream.

So tell me how, after all of that, I ended up not only keeping my scholarship, but getting a job that pays almost twice what I was making at Old Navy, with more hours than I ever could have gotten at Old Navy, which happens to be in my line of work/study, and is a way more legit job that is really intended for college graduates which will carry much more significant weight on a resume than just about anything I could ever even have dreamed of?

Oh, and let's just throw in the fact that I've been spending a lot of time with one of the most awesome, impressive, fantastic people ever. (I won't say any more on that subject.) And just chuck into the whole mix the thousand other things that just seem so far beyond the scope of what anyone should even be allowed to hope for in their life.

I mean, I don't even know what to think, let alone what to say. There is simply not room enough to receive the things I have been given, and not enough room in heart to contain the gratitude that I feel. <3

About Time

I'm pretty overdue for a post, wouldn't you say? Of course, I have been incredibly busy, what with all the travelling I've been doing over the past week or so. Shall we enumerate my experience?

1. Flight from SLC to MCI (that's the Kansas City airport, for those of you who have avoided the armpit of America, you lucky dogs!), Thursday, Dec. 16th -- This was a pretty lack-luster affair. Though, I did get to go through the stupid TSA scanners when I went through security. When my mom picked me up, I told her about it. Her response: "Porn star." That was definitely the highlight of the car ride.

2. Stop at Cracker Barrel, Independence, MO, still Thursday -- Suddenly, Christmas flight pick up stop at Cracker Barrel has become a tradition. I don't think we can abandon it now. Just for the record, I had chicken'n'dumplin's, and the stupid peg game on the table said I was slower than average (and we're talking slower mental state, not actual speed. This is a southern border state, and we use technical terminology like that.)

3. Stop at home. Yep, still Thursday. -- :)

4. Driving to and from Old Navy on Sunday, Dec. 19th, Monday, Dec. 20th, and Tuesday, Dec. 21st -- The first two hours on the first day were good. After that, it was like that one burny hot place we all know about. Probably mostly due to the fact that I don't believe I've been on my feet for five straight hours since ... the last time I worked in August. Literally, I don't believe I've done it. How pathetic is that? Needless to say, my body ached like the dickens. (What does that phrase even mean?)

5. Driving from Jefferson City, MO to Colby, KS, Wednesday, Dec. 22nd -- An 8 hour drive commencing at 5 p.m. Not the way the Cardon clan usually rolls, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Something about it being dark and staying dark the whole time made it feel like time wasn't actually moving, and really made the trip feel short.

6. Driving from Colby, KS to Colorado Springs, CO, Thursday, Dec. 23rd -- A four hour drive to the Springs, which started off with the worst continental breakfast I think I've ever had. Too bad I don't think a Hyatt Place would touch Colby, KS with a 50 foot pole, because I love their cinnamon rolls.

7. Driving from Colorado Springs, CO to Crested Butte, CO, still Thursday -- This four hour drive commenced approximately 15 minutes after the last 4 hour drive ended, so we might as well lump them together and call them an 8 hour drive, because that's what it felt like.

8. Stop at CRESTED BUTTE, CO, Thursday, Dec. 23rd thru Monday, Dec. 27th -- (That link is just to the same cruddy video I made of the cabin) "WE WON!!! WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That's the quote of the trip. Also, "Are you gonna compromise your integrity over this?" A few points about this stop:

• The cabin held 21 people over the course of our stay.
• Delicious food, all day, every day.
• Ski-in/Ski-out. You can't imagine how great it is to ride on groomed trail (which was off the resort property) straight to your cabin with a hot lunch waiting for you. Like soup. Much different from trekking to the parking lot and chowing on a cold sandwich while sitting in the back of a car, and hating having to take off your gloves. We have been spoiled, and Brian Head 2011 won't settle for much less, only in highly favorable and compensatory circumstances. We're currently scoping places that sleep up to 45 people. Boyfriend applications now being accepted. :P Hahaha.
• Miraculously, we had perfect weather. They got 60 inches in the 72 hours leading up to our arrival, driving weather was perfect, and Friday and Saturday (our ski days) were cloudless, and edging up on 40 degrees-so warm, you could have left your gloves in your pockets. On Sunday, when we weren't on the mountain, it was overcast. It was like they planned it just for us. Driving back was, again, excellent weather.
• The dumbwaiter. It wasn't even that useful, for our short stay anyhow. It was just cool that we had one! :)
• The delicious king-sized bed I slept on. Admittedly, with my sister. But it was like she wasn't even there. And besides some really crazy dreams, it was some of the best sleep I ever did get.
• When I was chilled to the bone after my post-boarding nap, I hit up the steam shower. It was boiling, wonderful hot up in there, but it felt SO good. After that ....
• ... I took a regular shower. With double shower heads. While still taking in the remnant steam from my steam shower. I might have left both on at the same time, but I might have melted from all the heat.
• On the first day, my back hurt really badly from all the time I'd spent in the car. So I took a bath in the jetted tub under 20+ foot ceilings. Yummy.
• I boarded better than I've ever boarded in my life, which is kind of a big deal since I only get to go like one or two days a year, and I've only been doing it for like 5 years. And I learned some dang good life-lessons on my second day (to which Heather can testify!)
• I got to spend time with some of my favorite people, and had my semi-annual dating pep talk with Sis. N! Haha. How I do so look forward to our chats ...
• Had a great Ben Barnes dream. I blame/credit this on the multifarious BB postings on Rachel's tumblr. Keep 'em coming, gf. You ROCK. :)
• I finished The Book Thief. It was good. But I wouldn't recommend purchasing it. Your local library is the place to go. Plus it was super slow, and I questioned whether or not it was worth my effort until like the last 10 pages. So maybe it wasn't really worth it after all. Idk.
• Got a taste of Celestial Seasoning's herbal tea, Roastaroma flavor. I think I found a new favorite, though I'd hardly call it a "tea." Definitely more of a coffee experience. Yum.
• ... I don't really have too much more to say about it, except that it was AMAZING and I LOVED it. Definitely one of the top 5 vacations of my life because it was just so perfect.
• Oh, and did I mention, we had the most beautiful view? It was seriously lovely. On the day we got in, a big fluffy cloud had settled in the valley, and we got to look down on it from our cozy cabin up on the slopes.
• I love my life. Really.

9. Drive from Crested Butte, CO to Colorado Springs, CO, Monday, Dec. 27th -- I love staying with the Norton family. Sis. N made an amazing authentic Italian dinner, and I got to hang out with my amigo that I literally hadn't seen in a year. Crazy! Doesn't feel like it could be that long, but I guess that's how it is now, ya know?

10. Drive from Colorado Springs, CO to Jefferson City, MO, Tuesday, Dec. 28th -- I did not love this car ride. By the time we hit Kansas City, my back was aching and I was so sick of being in the car that I was practically beside myself. My bed, however, welcomed me back with open arms, and I think I slept in until 11 on Wednesday morning. Love my life :)

Worlds

I've been thinking a lot today about our world, the conceptions of our world, the way those conceptions have changed over time, and what those conceptions mean for us.

Today in my British Literary History class, we were reading Caedmon's Hymn, which goes a little something like this:

Now we must honor

The guardian of heaven,

The might of the architect

And his purpose,

The work of the father of glory,

As he, the eternal Lord,

Established

The beginning of wonders.

He, the holy creator,

First created heaven as a roof

For the children of men.

Then the guardian of mankind,

The eternal lord,

The lord almighty,

Afterwards appointed

The middle-earth

The lands, for men.

The reason I bring this poem up is that, in my class, we noted the Anglo-Saxon cosmology, in which heaven is the roof of the house, earth (middle-earth) is the body/interior of the house, and hell was that which was beneath the house. Now, there was a lot of other stuff about it, but that's the basics of what I'd like to focus on.

Because what are the repercussions of believing that your earth is a home that God has built for you, and that heaven, God's home, is the roof of that house, and what protects you from the outside elements?

I think that this is not too far a shot from LDS doctrine, only I'd make the roof the Gospel, rather than heaven, because faith in the gospel of Christ is our shield and our protection from the storms that would beat us down while we live on this little planet of ours. It's a very functional analogy, I believe.

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The other aspect of worlds I've been thinking of today came from my biology class. We were watching my professor's movie that she made about Tongans, and it got me thinking about what it would be like if I had been born into a different culture, a different "world," so to speak (and to maintain a sense of continuity throughout this post). I thought about how different my life would be if I had been born Tongan, or Japanese, or French, or African, or Nicaraguan ... Part of me was kind of sad that I had missed out on not having that same perspective on life that comes from each of these unique, fascinating, and beautiful cultures. I mean, I might have liked being an Australian, or an Eskimo, or Spanish, or Indian ...

But despite my small portion of sadness at missing out on the cultural richness that these other nationalities would have offered me, I am grateful that I know of worlds before and worlds to come, and the Creator of all of these worlds and cultures that placed me in the situation that I am, both because it has been a great blessing in my life, and because I know that where I am is the best place for me to be in the eternal scheme of things. It's a great comfort, knowing that God is out there, and that He has a plan for our lives, a plan that has the power to make us fantastic and happy beyond our ability to comprehend. I can't imagine being satisfied with life, were it not for that knowledge.

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The final thing I'd like to share with you is this video. It was made using a tilt-shift camera lens, which gives the video a really interesting quality. Rather than telling you what that quality/effect is, I will just let you observe it for yourself:

Small Worlds Project: Circular Quay. Pause while a clip is playing to share it.
Tilt Shift Video by Keith Loutit | Twitter | Facebook

Isn't that interesting? It looks like a little playset, with little dolls running around and toy cars and plastic trees ... But it's all the real world that we see every day with our own eyes. Of course, God is acquainted with every intimate detail of our lives, but I feel like this is what we must look like from heaven. Like a bunch of little toys, waiting to be picked up and rearranged at the will of God.

It's kind of funny, how everything looks like it's in miniature. It makes all these things we do, these mindless motions and stupid activities and things that happen in our lives that distract us from the plan seem so ... insignificant.

Maybe that's because they are, and we're simply looking at the world, and at life, through the wrong type of lens.