Dr. Cardon

Sometimes your roommate gets on Skype, and you don't feel like doing homework or looking at lame pictures on the internet ... and since you're simultaneously very hungry, and in possession of some pizza ... well, things get interesting. (Yes, Rachel. This all happened while you were sitting 5 feet away from me, talking to Ginger.)



Answers to Potential Questions:

- Are those your tweezers? Why, yes, those are my tweezers. Which I use to pluck my eyebrows when my good ones get misplaced.
- Are they clean? Better question: If they aren't, is it really that big of a deal? No.
- Where did you get that surgical mask? I got it from my R.A. when I had swine flu.
- Did you touch that surgical mask when you had swine flu? Yes. Yes I did. Here in room 3208, we frequently like to try to cheat death. I'm still breathing, all is well.
- Does your pinky always look freaky like that? Yep.
- Do you do that on purpose? No. It's probably some sort of latent, pinky-stick-out-ing gene that got handed down to me from some super proper ancestors. It could be a sign that I'm a descendant of royalty. No big deal.
- Why are you such a picky eater? Mushrooms and artichokes have freaky textures. Notice that I left the spinach and tomatoes and red onions and freaky cheese on the pizza. Let's focus on my good qualities and not my sucky ones, mmk, hater?
- Does your mouth taste super weird right now? You betcha. "I already ate that!" Thank goodness I haven't yet experienced that frequent post-meal joy.
- Why are you such a freak? Good question. I was hiding in Fezzik's backpack when he was pulling Buttercup, Inigo Montoya, and the guy who is the voice of Rex in Toy Story up the Cliffs of Insanity. Alas, I fell from the backpack, into the sea, and down, down, down until I reached an underwater cave. As I traveled through the underwater cave, I came to an ancient, natural tubeslide. I picked up a tube from the dilapidated hut'o'tubes at the advent of the slide, and since then, have been floating down that slide, which is, coincidentally, being a natural tubeslide, much like a river. The river is, in fact, called The River of Insanity, being hidden beneath the cliffs of insanity. (Catchy, ain't it?) Hasn't the ride ended? you ask. No. Which is probably why this little natural tubeslide business was highly unsuccessful... the few tourists who could make it to the slide never came back, and so instead of reusing their tubes, the owners had to replace them. Also, the tourists never made it home, which probably wasn't so good for business either. I guess the point I'm trying to get at is ... Don't put artichokes on pizza. It makes people weird.