To The Flavor I Know Best

Dear Vanilla,

I think it's tragic that no matter how boring you are, no matter how much spicing up you need with caramel syrup or sprinkles or maraschino cherries or chunks of Oreo, when it comes down to actually picking ice cream, I almost always pick you? I've been thinking about this, as the Cannon Center provides official BYU Creamery ice cream on most Sunday afternoons, and I would ten times rather have soft serve with goodies on it than lumps of over-flavored, colored options. I mean, you are so dull, vanilla, so predictable, so absolutely common... and yet I was never one to go for rich, wonder-filled desserts.

Perhaps my horizons have not been sufficiently widened, perhaps I merely need to develop a more expensive taste, perhaps I have not been exposed to enough of higher dessert-age to know how to properly appreciate it... or perhaps I'm merely an idiot who is simply too stupid to truly enjoy a proper serving of ice cream when it's sitting right in front of me.

You know, when I was younger, I was all about the bubblegum ice cream from Baskin Robbins that had heart-shaped pink pieces of gum mixed into it. But as time goes by, I steer far from chocolate (as usual), and far from the super sweet flavors, and generally stick by some simple variant of vanilla. Maybe that's all I want from my ice cream experience ... a simple variant on vanilla. Something a little more sophisticated, but nothing too grand. Something a little less in danger of going terribly wrong (I recall my 1998 experience with a particularly sour chocolate dipped cone from Dairy Queen...).

It makes me think of pizza (oh yes, another food metaphor is en route!). I used to only want pepperoni, and then all of the sudden, I found myself thinking, "Pepperoni is too spicy ... better to go cheese." I had never been a cheese girl in all my life. I'd have chosen any other pizza over cheese, because I didn't like cheese and I wanted/needed something to stick to the cheese and spread it out a little more or suppress the taste of it or something. But then there I was, choosing cheese over pepperoni. And why was that? I have no idea, and yet I'm sure it's the same reason that I so frequently choose plain vanilla ice cream. The flavor overload is just too much for me; I want something simple, something that won't throw curve balls at me, something that will always behave exactly as expected, something that will never surprise me.

So is that what the problem is? Am I simply too unadventurous? Am I afraid? If so, why? And if not, do I simply have a horrid preference for things that merely create the low standard upon which the ranking of all variations and improvements is based? Why would I choose something so mediocre? Maybe I'm not cut out for the truly exceptional flavor experiences, but I'd like to think that my preferences are not so ordinary and dull.

And yet at the same time, if no one loves vanilla ice cream and cheese pizza, will it just have to sit all alone, unloved and unappreciated? I mean, I hate to admit it, but all things considered, I'd feel kind of bad for it.

But then again, why should I be the one who has to subject myself to a life-long commitment to vanilla? What have I done to deserve such a fate? This I cannot accept. And while, for the moment, I remain (more or less) hung up on vanilla, I simply refuse to hand over the spoons of all my future ice cream bowls over to a flavor that has so little to offer.

So now, vanilla, we must go our separate ways; I must sever ties with you, oh predictable, boring vanilla. If, upon reaching the other side, I find that nothing else suits me better, so be it. But if I find that I have a taste for many other superior flavors, you will see little more of me. Our paths may cross, on holidays next to the pie, or at McDonalds where nothing else is offered, or when everything else sounds gross. However, until such a moment arises, I am,

Most Definitely Not Yours,
The Girl Shooting for 31


SIDE NOTE: If I could make a list of all the weird coincidences and metaphorical applications happening in this post, it would be about a million miles long. Just saying.