Random Musings on Being Home and Whatever Else Comes to Mind While I'm Sitting Here

Don't mind the Fall Out Boy-esque title to this post. It just happened. Normally, I prefer a concise title. But the current one seems to reflect my general mood right now.

So! I'm home! I know I technically already posted something after being home, but it wasn't really about being home, so it doesn't count as much. You know, I cannot believe it's Thursday. The days are flying by me without me having a chance to say anything about it. They just disappear! I swear!

Well, as far as news goes, I am (as you might have heard) on a diet. A really rockin' and effective diet, but as a first time dieter, I'm absolutely dying. Now first let me explain how this diet works. It's called Ideal Protein, and it's a phased dieting system where you start off cutting out not just sugar, and not just carbs, and not just fat ... but all three. That's right, folks. I'm on SERIOUS restrictions here. A typical day looks like this:

Breakfast: Protein shake, or Ideal Protein pancakes

Lunch: 5 oz. of some protein, and 2 cups of vegetables

Snack: Some Ideal Protein snack, such as apple cinnamon soy puffs, peanut balls, barbecue chips, or lemon bars. ***

Dinner: 5 oz. of some protein, and 2 cups of vegetables

In case you hadn't noticed, yes, this diet (in the phase I'm in right now) is fruit free. And I drink so much water that I'm in the bathroom like 4 times an hour. It's kind of heinous. As far as other rules go, I don't have to eat everything exactly when it says to eat it. Often, I only have a cup of veggies during meals and use the other cup to stave off the hunger monster during other times of the day (since I am basically a 100% all-the-time-hungry kind of girl. Really. Little known fact: I am rarely not hungry). I'm also allowed to eat as much lettuce as I want! (Yes, my diet now matches my rabbit-teeth, thank you for noticing :D) Often, we (since my mom, dad, sister, aunt, and grandma are also on the diet) boil some rhubarb chunks and serve them up with Splenda, cinnamon, and a dash of vanilla. It kinda tastes like pie at first, and then eventually it's so sour and you've eaten it so many times that it starts to lose a little bit of its glory. We also have cabbage with rice vinegar, Splenda, and soy sauce. This is pretty tasty as well--for diet food.

That's becoming quite the caveat in my eating experiences recently. Such as, "It's good ... for diet food." Because who are we kidding, THIS CRAP ISN'T GOOD. It's just good enough that we're willing to choke it down for a few weeks to get rockin' beach bods (and yes, that's what I plan on having).

So how does this diet work? Well, basically because you're eating, like, nothing, your body goes into ketosis. Ketosis is when your body stops running on the food you're taking in and starts running on the fat that's stored on your body. You stay on this until you've achieved 90% of your weight loss goal, and then move onto the next phase. I haven't watched the video for it to explain all the scientific mumbo jumbo, but I know it also gives your pancreas a rest, and is enormously effective. I've never felt so in control of my weight before. Just to give you an idea of how effective this is, my grandma has lost 60 lbs. since January, and she is skinnier now than she's been in my whole memory. She's tried so many diets, but this one actually worked. And basically as soon as you start getting chunky again, you just go back into ketosis (and the Ideal Protein products aren't actually necessary for this) for a little while, and bam--the weight's gone. I've only been doing it for a couple of days, and I haven't been religious about my scale-checking, but I'll let you know how it goes after a week. I'm so excited!

Oh! I almost forgot! You might have noticed a few stars/asterisks (***) after my snack section in the daily menu. Let me explain: these are some of those "for diet food" snacks. For example, with those barbecue chips, there's a weird, meaty aftertaste (apparently that's what protein tastes like. Yum). Now, I've managed to put up the things that are actually really good for diet food. I haven't had the apple cinnamon soy puffs yet, but I hear they're pretty bomb. The peanut balls ... well, they're kind of like peanut butter around a malt ball (ex. a Whopper), but it's slightly more granular than a malt ball. And those little puppies are delicious. I would eat them by the bucket if they were eat-as-much-as-you-want. The lemon bars are actually like granola bars, but they're lemon poppyseed, so the inside's all grainy and poppyseedy, and then there's a lemon frosting-like thing that it's been dipped in. Oh, baby, it's really good ... for diet food. What I didn't mention were the puddings (even my mom, with an experienced dieter's stomach of steel can barely choke those down without serious doctoring). And in case I didn't clarify, those barbecue chips could curl your big-toe hair (assuming it isn't already curled ... ).

Other downsides to this diet include:

• Price: each snack or other meal replacement item is $3 a pop. Which I suppose is okay because it's supposed to replace a meal, but at the same time ... yikes!
• Halitosis: one of the signs of ketosis is stinky breath. And it's not just your everyday stale morning breath. It's like someone parked a Port-O-Let in your mouth. Just sayin'.
• Fatigue: because your body is running on its own fat stores, you get pretty tired pretty easily. I haven't noticed this as much because I haven't really tried to do much since I got here, but my sister will vouch for this. I might also be having headaches, but there are other possible explanations for that too, so I'm not sure.
• Bathroom: I hate being in the bathroom. I will avoid it for as long as I possibly can, basically subduing the gotta-go feeling until the pipes are ready to burst. Unfortunately, because of the huge amount of water I need to be drinking in order to process all the protein I'm consuming, I'm in the bathroom all the time. (Think Zac Efron in 17 Again talking about being hungry, which, oddly enough, is also how I feel.)
• Being Hungry: my parents aren't having as hard of a time with this, but my sister and I are just on the verge of death with hunger. And since I have little to do, I have little to distract me. Also, I keep ending up at the grocery store where everything looks delicious. I have been craving homestyle mac'n'cheese for days now, and there's been a bag of rolls making googly eyes at me since Monday night.
• Cheating: on this diet, you can't cheat. You can't have a lovely cheat day and say, "Okay, well, I'm going to treat myself to a little bit of cake today because I've been doing so good these past few days!" No. You can't do that at all because it kicks you out of ketosis, and then you lose all your fat-burning momentum. It's not worth any of the things you're suffering (see list above) to suffer the effects of cheating. So that bowl of jelly beans that I've been hiding in the cabinet ... yeah. I can't even pop a couple of those because the sugar might throw my body out of ketosis and ruin everything. And my goal is to lose my 90% of my weight loss goal as fast as freaking possible so I can get back to eating real food.

So yeah. That's the stat on the diet. I hope it works, and quickly. I actually really think it's awesome, and ... yeah! Hoorah for diets! :)

I also went on a couple shopping trips over the past couple of days. My mom had a meeting up in Columbia, so my grandma and I hit the mall. I looked gross, and therefore had no intention of buying anything (plus I kind of expect to go down a size or so, and I don't want to buy clothes that are going to be too big in a couple of weeks) ... But I confess I did. Remember this Seventeen cover from like 2 years ago?

Me too. It's awesome, and the best part of the whole thing is that necklace that she is wearing. I have been coveting a necklace of such style--huge, flowers, multi-colored, kind of flat in the way that it lays on you--since I saw that cover. And I am proud to say that I finally have one. Now, it's not exactly what TSwizzle's got going on, and it's quite a bit more gold than that one. It's got a chain-mail-y base with these big gold flower charms that have fake diamonds in the middle of them, and then multicolored beads all over. Sounds ghastly, I'm sure. I'll take a pic on Sunday (when I will wear it for the first time) and post it so you can see what I really mean. It's quite the necklace, let me tell you.

I also managed to acquire a grand pair of shoes. I can't find a picture of them online (or the necklace), but I will probably also wear those on Sunday in which case there will also be a picture of them. They're darling. Floral, bright colors, a really nice brown leather for the straps, kind of a wedge-type heel, and a big yellowish green flower right on the front. Peep toes, of course. So cute. Can't wait for you to see them. They're more flattering than almost any shoe I've ever worn, not just because they make my feet look tiny, but because they just plain make my feet look good. And when do my feet ever look good?? Passable, sure, but good? Rare enough that I can't think of a time that they actually looked legitimately good. I'm stoked to wear them; I think they'll go together smashingly!

Hmmm .... other things, other things. Well, I've got a job, or should I say jobs, and some quite resume-pumping work at that. It's pretty exciting stuff.

Also, I can't believe it's Thursday/almost Friday. I feel like it was just this morning that I was thinking, "Wow, it's Tuesday! Josh flies out today! We were just sitting in his kitchen a week ago, being shocked that he was going to fly out in a week ... and now it's here!" Only now it's been two days since then, and I can't figure out how time is moving so quickly! I feel like I must be sleeping through my days or something. I guess they're all just so lack-luster (and I've been kind of not exactly changing my clothes too much every day) that they're all just melting together.

Well, I suppose now's the time to post. This has been really long-winded and silly and pointless, but that's what happening in my neck of the woods (thank you, Al Roker, and too many hours of the Today Show this morning for that little phrase) ... Toodlepip! :)

The Parable of the Fork

In only slightly belated celebration of Easter, I'd like to share with you all a story that was told in sacrament meeting yesterday. It's called The Parable of the Fork:

There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a deadly illness and had been given 3 months to live. Her doctor told her to start making preparations to die, so she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what she wanted to be wearing. The woman also told her pastor that she wanted to be buried with her favorite bible. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

"There's one more thing!" she said excitedly.

"What's that?" came the pastor's reply.

"This is very important," the woman continued, "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

The pastor stood looking at the woman not knowing quite what to say.

"That shocks you doesn't it?" the woman asked.

"Well to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request" said the pastor.

The woman explained: "In all my years of attending church socials and functions where food was involved, my favorite part was when whoever was clearing away the dishes of the main course would lean over and say 'you can keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming. When they told me to keep my fork I knew that something great was about to be given to me. It wasn't Jell-O or pudding. It was cake or pie. Something with substance. So I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: 'Something better is coming so keep your fork too.'"

The pastor's eyes were welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that that woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She knew that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and her favorite bible and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you oh so gently that there is something better coming.

:)

Pet Peeve: Guess What

I'm just going to take a quick moment to address a stupidity of the English language. Yes, I too am guilty (as always). But it's a problem, and we need to talk about it.

The phrase "guess what" has got to go.

Let's just start with the first annoying part: How the heck are you supposed to punctuate that?? I mean, technically it's a question ... but you aren't usually expecting people to guess because the whole point of saying that is that they probably won't guess it, right? But when you say it and you know it's only a pseudo-question, so basically there are three options:

1. "Guess what?" which conveys nothing but b-o-r-i-n-g and makes people feel like they have to answer a question, and what are they even supposed to say? (This will be addressed shortly. Never you fear!)
2. "Guess what!" which doesn't acknowledge the fact that it's technically a question and sound stupid
3. "Guess what?!" which is just too much emotion, and you don't want to overwhelm people or over excite them for something that just ain't that great (and it's usually not, because life ain't that exciting, folks)

All in all, not a good choice among them. Lame, eh?

Now let's say you're on the receiving end of said question. This is how it usually goes:

Person 1: Guess what[? and/or !]

Person 2: What?

** PAUSE **

Me: Okay, now let's examine this response. "What?" Since when is "What?" the appropriate answer to that question? It's not. It's just what we say because we don't want to get into a situation like Person 1 is about to create ...

** PLAY **

Person 1: No! I said for you to guess!

Person 2: (Doesn't want to guess. What kind of stupid game is this?) Ummm ... I don't know ...

Person 1: Come on! It doesn't matter! Just guess!

Person 2: (The stink eye is about to come out. Super doesn't want to guess, because no matter what they say, it's going to be wrong and they're going to look stupid.) Uhhhh ... you're pregnant. (Hint: Not an appropriate guess, usually.)

Person 1: No! I *blah blah blah something about how great their life is blah blah blah* ...

Person 2: (Doesn't care. Still feels stupid about the pregnancy comment, and wants to unleash the stink eye on Person 1 for putting them into that position.)

Person 1: (Selfish snot.)

The end.

As you can see, "Guess what?/!" is a stupid question, and it needs to not be a part of our speaking anymore. Because it's mean, and confusing, and just a big lie all around. Boo on GUESS WHAT!!!!

:)

Blog Re-Vamp, and A Dating Pet-Peeve

Okay, so I know that I've been squirrely with the design of this blog all over the place, but now there's a bigger change going on -- NEW BLOG TITLE! I figured now was a prime time to do it because this is my 101st post! Crazy, huh?? It's almost hard to believe.... almost. Of course, I'm rather verbose, and there's probably 20+ drafts scattered throughout Blogger, Windows Live Writer, and Word ... but who really knows. There's 100 on here, and that's what counts.

So, why "The Happy Pessimist"? Well, first off, I think that's what I am. I know it seems a little bit contradictory, but I think it's very possible to be both pessimistic and happy. I guess a more accurate title would actually be something like "The Optimistic Realist," but that doesn't have quite the same ring to it, and really doesn't mean the same thing. And I mean it to mean what it means, which is "I'm a pessimist, and dangit I'm happy too!"

Additionally, I feel like it's about time I adopted some kind of blog-identity. It just feels right. I don't know how much of a difference that makes, but it feels different. Sort of. Not really. Plus, I have the advantage of not making a title-specific blog address, so I can change the actual title whenever I want. Suck on that. :)

Anyways. That's all the news on the blog re-vamp. On to my newest dating pet peeve. Are you so ready for this, people?

So here's what's up: When you're 15 and you're trying to sneakily date someone and you keep saying "It's not a date," but it looks like a date, smells like a date, sounds like a date, etc. ... it's a date.

BUT

When you're in college, and you're repeatedly getting called to repentance for not dating and not getting married, you don't get to rip your moves off the 15-year old pubescent boys. It's severely not cool.

In college, if you want to go on a date with a girl, you ASK HER ON A DATE. Not "want to hang out?" or "want to play?" (which is just hecka annoying for a bajillion other reasons) or "a bunch of us are doing this want to come?" No. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. These are all the wrong way to handle the dating situation. I suppose you don't actually have to say the word "date" (though it's much preferred, as it makes things that much more clear). You do need to make the Three P's (Planned, Paid For, Paired Off) very clear from the very beginning to count it as a date.

Let me give you a situation I have recently become acquainted with (and dramatized for effect).

A young woman was hanging out with herself one day, and a young man texted her and said "Wanna play tonight?" (You boys have REALLY got to stop saying that. It's infantile and creepy sounding.) She said okay, and they determined to meet up later that evening to do something. When they met up, they decided to get some food, as friends are wont to do. Upon arriving at the restaurant, the young man offered to pay. She said no, that she could get it, but he insisted, and she gave in. They hung out that night, had a fun time, and that was the end of it.

Or so she thought.

The next day at church, the young man's roommates and friends asked her at different times throughout the day, "How was your date last night?"

The young woman was surprised. She hadn't been on a date. She had hung out with a friend. Yes, that friend offered to pay ... but that wasn't the intent from the beginning. At least, she didn't think it was. In her mind, it hadn't been a date. How could such a misunderstanding have happened?

Here's another story that happened to me about a year and a half ago. I met this guy at a party, and we became Facebook friends, and one night he invited me over to his house to watch a movie with him and some of his friends. Being uncool and having no form of vehicular transportation and this guy living far away, I said, "Sorry, I can't make it." Eventually it came out (though I was much more cool about it than the way I just explained it) and he said he'd come and pick me up. So he came and got me, and then he said he was hungry and that he wanted to grab some food at the Taco Bell. He asked if I wanted anything, I said no, and we proceeded on to his place.

There wasn't anyone else there.

Now I'm thinking either this guy was really clever, or he didn't have any friends, or he was the lonesome loser that got left out when everyone else wanted to have fun. So since there's nobody there, we put in Hot Rod and sit on the couch and it's super awkward because we don't know each other at all and, like I said, there was no one else there, plus his house was really creepy and gross. Eventually, the night came to an end, and he took me home.

So, what I'm still wondering is ... was that supposed to be a date? I mean, it kind of came off looking like one, and he did end up asking me out on a real date later on (which lasted 45 minutes, muahahaha), but what was that heinousness? There's an even more important question though:

Don't I have the right to know if I'm on a date or not?

I don't feel like that's an outrageous expectation. Is it? I'm going to give you an answer for that: No. No, it is not. Girls have the right to know when a boy thinks he's on a date with her. Which is why it is preferable that the word "DATE" is used when inviting a girl to do something, if that something is indeed being perceived by you as a date. Okay, kids? If it's not going to be a date, make that clear also. There are creepy, overeager girls too who will turn anything into a date. SO MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS CLEAR.

You know, I feel like this applies to a lot of situations, and I feel like there are a lot of problems that would be solved in this world if people were just straight-up honest about things, if people actually said the things they were thinking instead of trying to hint at or suggest or imply or whatever their actual thoughts. In the words of John Mayer, "Say what you need to say. It's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say."

It really blows my mind that some people can talk so much without saying anything. You'd think with all the time we spend talking about ourselves, updating our Twitter accounts and telling people what we're doing and posting pictures of things we've attended and stuff we've done ... that we'd somehow find the ability to convey our actual thoughts, feelings, intentions. But we fail. Big time. Is anyone else frustrated that we deal with all this miscommunication and misunderstanding when we really don't have to? Why?

I really don't get it. Not to suggest that I have superior skills in the communication department, because heaven knows I've had my fair share of responsibility in these types of matters. I'm just saying, something needs to change.

Loneliness

I don't like how long it's been since I wrote a blog post. Nope, not at all. I also don't like being swamped with school work and studying and tests and papers and all that crap. I wish we didn't have to have all this institutionalized garbage. I wanna go back to togas and the School of Athens, where we all just sit around and talk, and then bam ... one day you're just legit and that's the end of it. I really need to take fewer classes next semester.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately about being lonely. I've had a few times recently where I've felt that way, and I'm sure that there will be many more in the coming months. I mean, I'm at this point where the summer months don't really have anything for me. I've got nothing for me here in Provo, and nothing really for me in MO either, except a job and my family. But even still, there's no progress to be had anywhere it seems like. Just me, waiting around for things to happen. Hopefully that's not how terrible it is. But getting back to what I was getting at ...

Sometimes we get lonely. And not just a little lonely. I'm talking all-consuming aloneness, deep and bitter feelings of abandonment. Whether or not we are actually as alone as we feel or not, the fact remains that those feelings are there, and therefore they are real, and we are lonely.

The funny thing is that we can't just feel lonely and function normally, even act normally. We do things to either cope with or indulge our feelings (and sometimes both).

Sometimes the things we do are stupid.

I don't necessarily mean stupid-dangerous, or stupid-illegal, or stupid-big-consequences. Just stupid. Stupid-little-consequences, or stupid-insensitive, or stupid-selfish, or a whole host of other things. Only, when we do these things, we're stuck in lonely-land ... the one inside our heads. It's like temporary, mild insanity, and what I want to know is are we responsible for acts borne out of loneliness?

I know it's kind of a weird question ... but are we? I mean sure, you can control your feelings to some extent. But sometimes you let your guard down for a little bit, and suddenly you realize you've completely given yourself over to these unhappy feelings, and you're not in the driver's seat anymore. And that's when you do the stupid things.

But is it really your fault? I mean, your head is swimming with unhappiness, and you are legitimately (at least slightly) completely nuts. Can you really be held responsible for anything you do in such a condition?

I don't know. I want to say no.

I also want to tell my inner immature self to grow up. Hah.